The date is set

My “surgical procedure” is happening this Wednesday at 10am. I am extremely nervous. I don’t know how I feel about being awake (albeit heavily sedated) while somebody shoves a needle into my back very near a major artery. At some point you have to trust the medical community, their suggested course of actions and, of course, their skill.

I read back over this entire blog this afternoon to get a little perspective. I don’t know if I got the perspective I was looking for, but man has it been a ride. I sometimes think about taking this blog down as there has been little to no filter to the content and at times I’m a little ashamed of myself. But then again, it’s real, it’s all real. I watch my blog stats occasionally. At the beginning this blog was getting around 200 to 300 hits a day. Now it’s anywhere from zero to 20 or so. Every now and again there is a day like yesterday with 124 hits and nearly every post read and I hope that somebody has found this blog while trying to deal with their own battle. And maybe it has brought them some comfort, so I leave it be.

This past week has been a very odd one to say the least. It has been extremely stressful and blissful at the same time. Work is extremely stressful these days, at some point you have to say enough is enough and focus on your physical and mental health. I am extremely poor at doing that however. It’s that god damned Graham work ethic. It seems though that during the bleakest of times there is a ray of goodness, generally unexpected that comes out of nowhere. Even if it’s just for an evening, even if it’s just for a single moment everything in the world is absolutely perfect.

On a completely seperate note: I owe you an apology Barbara, I did snap at you on this blog and I apologize. You have been nothing but kind, supportive and warm to me when you really didn’t have to, given everything. Again, I apologize and I thank you, both you and Jim and the rest of your family, thank you for everything.

~ by Ryan Graham on March 23, 2008.