work ethic vs malaise
First an update on the medical front. The surgery is cancelled or at least postponed. My surgeon passed my file by somebody who thinks that I am a prime candidate for a much less invasive procedure. Instead of opening me up they are just going to sedate me and stick a needle into my back and suck out portions of the mass for biopsy. This is in lieu of removing the entire lymph-node as was the plan. I’m not exactly sure when this is going to happen, but it will be soon. The good part of this is I won’t have to stay in the hospital as it is out-patient and my recovery time will only be around 48 hours. If the biopsy comes back negative (which for some reason I’m really thinking it wont) then I’m basically done with all this crap. If it comes back positive then more decisions will have to be made.
A couple weeks ago I went to Vegas for five days to celebrate my 30th birthday with my best friend. It was a blur and not at all a “relaxing” vacation. Right now I’m fighting off a pretty serious depression. I’ve finally fallen apart from all of this, I’ve reached that level of stress where I’m completely “locked up”. I’m really not doing anything with myself at all. I go to work try and care, go get dinner somewhere by myself then go home play my bass then go to sleep that is my weekday routine. I do have a limited social life in that I’m casually dating, but I’m concerned that I’m not in a good head space for all of that right now.
I’m just kind of floating, I feel like life is passing me by and I only have myself to blame for it. The big question on my mind is, “What the hell do I do now?”
I was choosen to attend the LiveStrong Summit this summer in Columbus Ohio… *shrug*
